Wisdom For Extraordinary Living
The Most Powerful Prerequisite To Taking Action and Changing Your Life
Acceptance. What does that word mean to you?
Ah. Ah. Ah. Don’t look it up… Don’t consult with the world renown Webster for the right wording of its definitive definition dude. Easy breezy! Instead, tell me what it means from your personal experiences.
Eh? What’s that you’re saying? In English please, you know i don’t speak Spanish Baxter! You first want me to tell you what it means to me? No doubt, to me…
Acceptance is the beginning of a powerful process.
I don’t mean giving up. That’s not something i ever plan on doing. I’m speaking of acceptance in the sense of saying, “Okay, this is the situation” and then for bonus points… “now what am i gonna’ do about it?“
I can’t count the amount of times in my life where i wanted to change the way something was but wasn’t willing to accept my situation first. The more that i didn’t want to acknowledge what was going on with me, because i wished that it wasn’t, the more perverted and prevalent the problem became.
The counter-intuitive irony is that instead of being an ignoramus and ignoring the issue, if i would have just stopped to admit and acknowledge the situation, i could give myself the power to positively persuade and change my future.
I bring this topic up now because there’s been something i haven’t been accepting for the last month and at times, i’ve felt like shit about it. Wanna’ know what it is? Well here you have it homey, my public admission…
I’m Heartbroken!
Let it be known. I lost my best friend when my ex-girlfriend and i split up 2 months ago. We spent almost 5 days a week together for the larger portion of a year, and then, one day, it suddenly all stopped. No more time together. No more phone calls. Zero communication.
I lost the lady in my life that nurtured and nourished me most. She spoke to my soul and my soul sang songs to hers. We were in love.
But as you now know, that chapter came to a close, and Mr. Daddy-Mack Big-Dawg Sophisticated-Senophizer, ME, was too caught up in being committed to living an extraordinary life to process that pain.
I tried not to let myself feel, and accept, the emotions associated with the loss.
I didn’t allow myself the space to morn and man was that a mistake. Please pass the tissue box, sniff sniffles.
I kept having these emotional mood swings in my day. Most of the time i was good – on my game, getting things done and enjoying my life. But there would always be an hour or two or three where i just wanted to sleep and sail a boat load of carbs straight down south and into my stomach.
Two years ago, I used to get these types of mood swings frequently but for the most part i’ve proactively figured out how to prevent them before they pop up. Diet, fundamentals, purpose, autonomy – all of which i’ll talk more about in the book i’m writing.
Anyways, about two weeks ago a good friend came to live in my crib with me. Being forced to interact with my buddy on a full time basis brought me to recognize that something was off about me. I took a step back, got some altitude and suddently i realized, fuck, i’m heartbroken!
I fully felt the feeling of it. Not some sub-skewed rendition of an alternative emotion that came associated with repressing what i actually was going through. It was the real deal.
I acknowledged what i was going through and it felt good to embrace the pain. To own it. To accept it.
I started talking to people about it – not complaining – not seeking sympathy – but just saying what was going on for me. I’m still in this stage a bit as i’m just starting to mention it on Sensophy. It felt a little funny talking about it here – kinda’ like i shouldn’t be airing out my dirty laundry.
But really, there’s nothing scandalous, secretive, or even dirty about our decision to break up. I loved that girl more than any other in my entire life and we made a conscious decision to take different paths into our futures. Fuck, i can feel the pain still sitting right in the center of my solar plexus as i write this.
This revelation to you, right now, right here, is me accepting it. OUCH that feels good.
Here’s A Little Gem I Don’t Want You To Miss…
Before you can change something you must first accept it!
I share this story with you now because this is an active example of something i’ve been avoiding. But by accepting it, and then committing to work through it – the whole it, the ups and downs of it – major progress has been made.
I’m sure there’s been a similar situation that you’ve encountered in your own life. One that you didn’t want to address but ultimately you had to face it in order to move forward. On some level, you’re probably even still avoiding something that scares you now…
Accept it. Embrace it. Befriend it. And then let it go.
Change will come but acceptance is its prerequisite. The life you want won’t wait around for you forever. Now’s the time to take action and do something about it.
Bonus Question:
Where have you become comfortable in your life to the point where it’s dangerous? Now what are you gonna’ do about it? Helpful Hint… Accept it!
On Purpose,
Jacob
They made the CHANGE... What about you?
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26 Responses to The Most Powerful Prerequisite To Taking Action and Changing Your Life
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Thanx bro. Appreciate the kind words! -=)
And i do indeed look at all the greatness that emerged from the experience… Completely life changing.
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Broken hearts are the worst. Sounds like you're coping very in a very healthy manner now, and teaching others just the same. Thanks for sharing!
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Lynne says:
Hey there Jacob, sending you some supportive & caring vibes over these airwaves. I can empathise with you from a personal point of view, & know how hard it is to sit with that heartache & let it have its place with you, but it is the only way to work through it, if we push it away it will only come back another day more skewed, less authentic & certainly more difficult to work through & move on from. I journalled on this very thing only a little earlier today –
'BREATH INTO THE FEELINGS WHEN THE 'DOWN' TIMES COME, AS WE KNOW THEY WILL. EXPERIENCE THEM & OWN THEM – THEY WILL PASS. ACCEPT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO YOURSELF FOR THEIR ARRIVAL & FOR THEIR LEAVING – AS THEY WILL………THE POSITIVES & CHALLANGES ARE THERE FOR A REASON – THEY ARE TO ALLOW US FULL ACCESS THE ALL OF OUR EMOTIONS SO THAT WE DO NOT CUT OFF FROM ANY PART OF OURSELVES – SO THAT WE REMAIN & GROW AS THE WHOLE PERSON THAT WE ARE.
So Jacob, I appreciate you sharing more of you for then I am able to connect with more of you. Our growth on our journey is because of that internal & external connection. Bless you & All good things to you. x-
Thanx so much for the warm and lovely words Lynne. I read them a couple of times -=) Appreciate you too homegirl!
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Yay, never been a homegirl before – Groovey. x
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James McWhinney says:
Thanks for sharing man, i really appreciate your realness. I'm currently reading Eckhart Tolle's books and have been trying to accept everything in my life too. The more you accept, the less 'problems' you have in your life. Hopefully one day soon you'll look back and see that the breakup needed to happen in order for you to get to where you needed to go. The world is on purpose and everything is happening FOR you, rather than TO you.
Thanks again-
Ahhhh! Love it bro. Thanx for the wise words.
Major flavor freshness that you're implementing some Tolle too… I really dug A New Earth when i read it. Of course the subtitle "Awakening to Your Life's Purpose" was why i picked it up when i came across it.
Chat soon dude!!!
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Accepting – ah… seeing that it is what it is and working with it accordingly… Accepting allows space and an open mind such that the possibilities are observed… To use familiar words – it is recognizing what we can’t change.
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Kathy G says:
Jacob…congratulations on being man enough to get that off your chest and create space for some new goodness to enter! It's hard, no doubt about it…heartbreak permeates down to a cellular level and sits with us until we are ready to move on…give it some time and try to be grateful for the love that was there…that always seems to soften it a bit….we all wish we could fast forward to the next happy relationship, but we need to honor the process and heal before we move on to what will surely be even more fulfilling and dynamic because of what you've learned along the way…thanks for sharing in your own very unique way, how all of us have felt at one time or another…YOU DA MAN!
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Kathy! Really appreciate the wise words accumulated from your experience as well as the warmth that comes accompanied with their delivery. Do keep on keeping on being the bomb-diggity. -=)
Thank you!
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Hey Jacob,
It seems to me that you have just discovered what we call the Triple 'A'. Acknowledge. Address and Accept.
When you are in a situation, you must first Acknowledge it. This is where I am. This is what has happened and this is how I feel about it. Then you must Address it. Make a plan. Set a course or make a course correction. Whatever.
HINT: Acknowledging the situation is a form of Addressing it and vice versa. Even if you don't know what new course to set or how to address the situation Acknowledging will often set up the Addressing.
The third part is, as you have already caught on; ACCEPTING. Accepting can be tricky though. You need to accept that the situation has happened, but also need to Accept that that is okay. You have done nothing wrong, per say. Yeah, maybe you could have done things differently, but it is OKAY that you did things the way that you did.
Everything happens for a reason and often that reason does not make itself immediately know to us, but in time things will work themselves out.
The final part of Acceptance in Accepting yourself. Accepting whom and what you are. Accepting your perfections, your flaws. Accepting the good, the bad and the ugly and everything in between, because you are a truly amazing person. This goes for everyone.
Sometimes we need to stop and remind ourselves that each one of us is blessed, sacred, divine, loving, loved and deserving of love. We are all unique and are all an integral part of the whole of this universe.
Everything that we feel; Everything that we experience, no matter how good or how bad, is a blessed and accepted part of whom and what we are. We all have aspects, parts of our own personality structure that we hide from others or that bring us shame, regret or guilt, but these too are part of whom and what we are and need to be accepted for each aspect of the Self is only trying, in its own way to bring us to something better, to something more that what we already are or know ourselves to be.
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Heavy jewels homey. Thanx for sharing it with us Sensophizers. I trust some other peeps will get some goodness from it too -=)
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Lol. It may seem heavy, but it is actually quite easy. As your latest blog attests, you yourself have already discovered it on your own and are doing it now.
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Lisa says:
Thank you Jacob for sharing a part of yourself that is often difficult to express. Even more so thank you for putting a face on this actual process. Thanks to Mark also for breaking it down further.
So often, we go through a process not fulling understanding each step and it's importance….thanks again for shedding some light.
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Ahhhhh Lisa! Thank YOU for allowing yourself to open up and take in what i put out. It works both way… -=) Shout out to you!!
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Hey Jacob, sorry about the loss.
ACCEPTANCE can be the hardest thing – often we just want to shut the thoughts down and/or ignore them, which of course isn't the best solution.
The only thing I can say is that ANY experience, especially the ones that break your heart, are the most important ones – they will shape you unlike anything else !
So, become a winner be learning from this experience. Accept & grow !You can DO IT !
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Hey bro… Thanx for the kind and warm words. It's been a valuable lesson for me to ACCEPT what i'm unconsciously avoiding.
I'm always an advocate for courageously facing fear and moving fwd into uncomfortable zones… That's my shit. I think acceptance is a similar situation but a bit more elusive because it's not that HEART-POUNDING confrontational FIGHT OR FLIGHT fear.
Thanx for the thoughts homeslice. -=)
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EmbraceTheJoy says:
When I read the first question…my immediate response was "it means FINALLY being able to move forward". __As I read on…I laughed. (not AT you) It always makes me feel comfortable knowing that we are not alone. We all (when we are willing) go through these waves of emotion…denial…what have you. All I can say is Been there Done that! If you can do nothing else, share your story, cause odds are, someone out there isgoing through the same damn thing.
The one thing I tell my friends is…stop fighting, just accept. It is a freeing act like no other. When I started blogging about my divorce…I decided to be very open and clear with my feelings…Accepting the good with the bad…flowing through the emotions…
Thanks again for sharing the truth…and reminding me, I am moving on the right path myself.
You
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gb1509 says:
wow..that was really heavy….
but more than sadness for ur loss,this post has really deepened my respect for u, for dealing with it the way u r doing….great job bro! hats off to u!
(wen I was heartbroken,in my teens,all I would do is cry and blame…my luck,my family,my looks…anything and everything I could lay my hands on…..so its really an inspiration to see ur courage)
well…prayers for u :)
…keep rocking it!btw.can't help thanking Lynne for sharing such beautiful words of wisdom and Mark too…love the idea of tripleA…
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Gunja…. you rock. Didn't mean to drop a load of heaviness on ya but in retrospect it was a step i needed to take in order to continue to grow. I could feel your pain when you described the experience you had gone thru. Thank you for sharing such touching times homegirl. Much love.
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Sorry to hear it, pal. But hopefully you'll reach a point where you can look back on it and say, "Hey, we had a good time, and that's a shame, but we're better off." Either way, you're right – you can't make any changes until you've made peace with where you're at.