Big Idea #1: Dealing With Judgment

Judgment is something that we all deal with at some point. When we are triggered to judge ourselves or others, it often comes from a place of hurt or shame in our past. When we feel shame, we use judgment as a defense mechanism to protect our ego or identity from being bruised. It’s like our inner child saying, “I’m gonna judge you before you can judge me!”

It’s important to recognize that we are not our thoughts, and we can choose not to identify with this defensiveness. Instead, we can find the space to distance from this reaction and choose to not judge.

So how can we deal with those times when judgment creeps into our reactions?

Ask yourself the following questions:

• “How am I that?” What do you see about yourself in the thing you’re judging? Often we judge people or things that trigger something in ourselves.

• “What is the most empowering way that I can respond to this situation?”

• “Whose voice is that in my head?”

• “Where does the judgment come from?”

We always have the ability to question the judgments that arise in our mind. We’ll never judge anybody else more than we judge ourselves, so realize that many of our judgements of things outside of us really reflect something going on inside.

Big Idea #2: Learning to Make Conscious Responses

When we feel judged by other people, it’s not always easy to deal and roll it off our back. But there are some ways we can make more conscious responses and be less affected.

In a given situation, there is a stimulus and a response. Many of us walk around in an impulsive, reactive mode so we can’t separate what’s happening from how we respond or react to it. This can often be very frustrating and unproductive, and make us upset when we feel judged by others.

But we all have the freedom to choose how we respond to a situation. Our true freedom lies in the way we can slow down and spread out the space between stimulus and response, and consciously choose how or even whether to react. When we can do this, the judgements of others won’t affect our inner well-being at all.

So what’s the best way to develop conscious, mindful responses? Meditation.

When we meditate and develop mindfulness, it helps us to ask the important questions:

• “What is the most empowered way I can respond to this event?”

• “What response will best serve me and the person I want to become?”

Big Idea #3: Becoming Self-Validating

If you find yourself seeking the approval and validation of others, you’re not alone. But when we show up from an insecure place where we need this approval and validation of others, it’s nearly impossible to find true fulfillment. We need to stop trying to please and find validation and acceptance from others.

The truth is, the less that we look for people’s approval, the more approval they’ll give. But the approval of others shouldn’t really matter anyway, because we need to become self-validating.

When we are self-validating, we can deal with any difficult situations that come our way, because our power comes from the inside. Nothing in the external world can shake us when we love and accept ourselves. The more that we look for people’s approval and place that power outside of ourselves, the more that others will judge us. So the way to bring our power back inside us is to love ourselves unconditionally and validate ourselves no matter what others think.

People often treat you the way that you expect them to treat you. If you find yourself in an interaction and you start filling a particular role, don’t be surprised if that person treats you just as you expect. So interact with people as your genuine self rather than filling expected roles, and you’ll find yourself experiencing much more positive interactions with others.

HW + Action Steps!

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