Big Idea #1: People-Pleasing vs. Serving

Sometimes it’s hard to draw the line between pleasing others and serving them. One good way to tell the difference is by asking yourself, “Do I feel like I need to change myself when I’m around this person?” This is a clear sign of people-pleasing. It comes from a place of wanting the best for people, but it ultimately serves no one if we compromise who we are to make others happy.

We need to learn how to be our authentic selves around others, rather than change ourselves to please them. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but will ultimately better serve everyone involved.

We learn how to “please” other people when we’re babies and we need love in order to survive. But the problem arises when we grow older and maintain this persona where we act a certain way to get love from another person. Even if we get that love from them, we never really feel it because that person is just loving our persona, not our true, authentic self.

Ask yourself:

Who would I be without the belief that I need to please other people?

When we feel like a victim in our lives, we can stop asking ourselves “Why is this happening to me?” and instead ask, “How is this happening for me?” This reframes the situation so we go from victim to creator of our own experience.

There’s a difference between communicating a boundary and attacking someone. If someone is violating a boundary, you can approach it by saying, “When you do or say this, I feel _______.” This prevents that person from feeling attacked, and lets you express your boundaries authentically.

Big Idea #2: Dealing with Negative Feedback

While support and positive feedback feel great, it can feel really unpleasant to receive negative feedback or hate mail. Understand that when another person criticizes you, it’s usually a projection of something that’s going on for them. Hateful or spiteful words usually say more about the other person then they do about us, so it really doesn’t do us any good to take these words personally.

Rather than going into defensive mode, try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and recognize that they don’t know you personally, and are most likely just dealing with their own issues on the matter. If you can, reach out and ask that person what prompted them to respond the way they did.

When someone gives you feedback or advice, whether positive or negative, look at their life and ask yourself, “Do I want my life to look like theirs?” This is your metric for whether you should apply their feedback or advice to your life. If someone is completely well-meaning but completely broke, they’re probably not the best person to be giving you financial advice. Look at the background of the person giving you advice or feedback and recognize whether it’s wise to take their words to heart.

Big Idea #3: Baby Steps Can Change Your Life

Many of us dream of leaping into the realm of uncertainty and changing our lives for the better, but it can seem super overwhelming to do all at once. Luckily, we can take small, manageable steps today to move towards that place. Remember that uncertainty is a place that might feel uncomfortable at first, but is ultimately the place from which we will make great progress in our lives.

So what can we do? We can quit running around and around that hamster wheel and start to study ourselves. We can start to turn our fundamentals into habits and get in alignment with our values. We can start paying attention to what we’re most passionate about and realizing our strengths and unique qualities.

Ask yourself:

What is a baby step I can take today towards living my purpose?

3 things can happen when you take a baby step:

1. You step forward to a better place.
2. You step backward and learn something.
3. You take a breakthrough step forward that’s totally unexpected and can change your life.

HW + Action Steps!

As always, we’d love for you to share your personal favorite takeaways in the private Facebook group.