Big Idea #1: Letting Your Authentic Self Shine

Being authentic and putting our real selves out there is a huge key to relating with others. So when you come across a situation where you’re presenting a less-than-“perfect” image of yourself to others, try owning that rather than masking the imperfections. Saying “this is me, perfectly imperfect!” will help others relate to you on a real level. It can feel vulnerable opening yourself up to judgment, but you’ll often find that people will admire and respect you for being you, not trying to appear flawless.

This also applies to expressing how we truly feel about something. Oftentimes, how we really feel or what we really want to express isn’t quite in line with what’s “professional” or “expected” by other people. But guess what? Authenticity is what our community is built on! So can you imagine how much closer we can get with others when we actually express our real selves to them. The key here is, we’re not trying to please everyone. News flash: that’s never going to happen! Some people may respond negatively to our authentic expression, but the people who resonate with us are going to love us even more. Wouldn’t you rather stand behind your values and beliefs 100%, and let go of the opinions of others? Yeah, us too.

Big Idea #2: Dating and Relationships

If you deal with insecurity or confidence issues when it comes to dating, be assured that you aren’t alone! It’s definitely an area that can bring out our vulnerabilities.

Connection vs. Validation

When you’re relating with a girl or guy you’re interested in dating or are already dating, ask yourself, are you looking for connection or are you looking for validation? Connection is healthy, fostering growth for both individuals and the relationship. Validation, on the other hand, means that we’re looking for approval outside ourselves. Not so healthy! So ask yourself, “What can I do to create a deeper sense of connection, rather than validation?”

Society seems to have a stigma about relationships “failing.” Look at the definition of a successful marriage (at least in America:) “Till death do us part.” Basically, this is saying that a marriage is successful once one of the people dies. But isn’t it possible to have a successful marriage or relationship, and then realize 15 years down the line that it just doesn’t make sense to be together anymore? Maybe one or both partners has changed, and the relationship just doesn’t fit in the same way. But we can see relationships ending as an opportunity for growth, and not as a judgment of our worthiness as individuals.

As we all know, the dating paradigm has changed drastically over the years. No longer are men the main providers for women; instead, when we date, we’re trying to show up as someone that the other person will genuinely like. It’s about authentically expressing ourselves and fitting with our partner as our authentic selves.

Overall, a healthy mindset to hold when it comes to relationships is: “I want you, but I don’t need you.” This helps to develop a healthy relationship, rather than a codependent one. It’s important to follow your own purpose while in a relationship, express yourself authentically and avoid neediness.

Big Idea #3: Confidence is Overrated

Confidence is the most overrated shit on the planet. It’s an ego-validating thing… we often tell ourselves we need to be confident before we can do this thing or that thing, or that when we’re confident, people will finally know our self-worth. Screw confidence! When we’re looking at what we really want, if our answer is “confidence”, we need to dig deeper. Are you really looking for validation? Connection? Confidence often covers up our real feelings and desires, validating our ego that we are good enough when really, inside, we feel lost. We need to take the time to discover what it is that we’re truly searching for.

Once you’ve identified what it is you really want, ask yourself:

“Am I willing to sacrifice my ego to achieve this?”

For example, if what you really want is to speak up and connect with more people, are you willing to sacrifice your ego in order to do that?

Confidence comes as a result of taking action. It is not a prerequisite to taking action. Many people mix this up, which is why they wait and wait to do what they really want to do. The truth is, there is nothing to wait for. Once you start taking action in alignment with your heart, then confidence will grow. Confidence comes from competence! The better you become at something, the more confident you will be.

HW + Action Steps!

As always, we’d love for you to share your personal favorite takeaways in the private Facebook group.