Big Idea #1: Dealing With Nervousness During Transformation

Sometimes when we jump into a new situation, we face feelings of overwhelm, vulnerability and uncertainty that can feel super uncomfortable. Initially we have an aversion to uncertainty, and might even feel like we want to leap back into the safety zone. But the truth is that nothing is exciting if we always know what the outcome will be… uncertainty brings excitement! If we want secure, we have to settle for boring.

Nervousness and excitement are the same thing; they show that something is important to us. We might not know how things will turn out, whether we will fail or succeed, but in uncertainty is where growth happens.

The healthiest thing to do is not label the emotions, not tell ourselves there’s something wrong with us for feeling nervous or overwhelmed. After feeling these things, we can give ourselves space before the response to notice the nervousness and consciously decide how to act from there.

Stimulus: I feel the nerves

Response (automatic): Freak out, judge ourselves

Reponse (conscious): Notice the nerves, tell ourselves, “how cool that I’m challenging myself in a way that’s important to me, and going through a massive transformation.”

Oftentimes, if the thing that we fear actually happens, we end up gaining gifts from it and becoming the person we’re meant to become.

Big Idea #2: Surrendering Control

The idea that we have control over anything is an illusion. We can never control the things that outside of us, and trying to will only bring chaos to our lives. The only thing we have control over is how we respond to a situation. Ultimately, we need to surrender to everything outside of us being outside of our control.

Uncertainty is synonymous with the land of possibility. When we’re walking into the unknown, the question becomes: “What DO I know?” How can you find certainty in the midst of uncertainty? Living with uncertainty and growing through it is one of the best skills you can have, but we can still lean into the certainty we do have while moving through uncertainty.

The only way that growth happens is through challenge. Whether it’s in the gym and we’re challenging our muscles, or in real life and we’re challenging ourselves through doing something that scares us or releasing control. As long as we’re consciously cultivating the tools for growth, challenge will be a blessing and a catalyst to take us to the next level in our life.

Big Idea #3: Creating the Boundary Between Friend and Coach

How do you create boundaries when you have different roles in your life? Where do you draw the line between friend and coach?

Coaching is a skill, which can be seen through the analogy of a “sword.” While this “sword” is incredible in the coaching setting and can be a very powerful and effective tool, you wouldn’t want to spend every day waving your sword around! When you’re spending time with your friends, you might want to put the sword away! Think about the situation you’re in, and how appropriate it is to use your coaching tools at that time and with those people.

It can be very helpful to recognize the times that are appropriate to have a coaching conversation, versus when not to. This way, the people you have relationships with aren’t constantly feeling that they’re in a coaching session.

Rather than just jumping into a coaching conversation with a friend, try asking that person,

“Would you be open to exploring/chatting about ______?”

This opens up the conversation by offering that person the chance to decide whether they want to dive deeper into a topic, and helping them feel more comfortable if they do choose to do so. Otherwise, you can both step back into your normal friend roles.

HW + Action Steps!

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