I can’t believe we’re already at day 4 of Enough BS! This call was all about how to gain confidence and crush your fears, anxieties and doubts (we’ve all got ’em!).
If you’ve missed any of the call notes so far, click to check out day 1, day 2 and day 3. And if you’ve no idea what Enough BS is all about, it’s not too late to start rocking with us! Just head over here to check it out.
Wanna view these notes as a PDF? Click here.
The Big News!
When we were on yesterday’s call, I asked if all of us would like to continue to have these conversations on a weekly basis. The response was astounding! (“Holy f*ck” was how I believe I responded.)
Over 75% of us said that not only would we love to continue to connect w/ each other weekly, but we’re also ready to invest $25 per month in ourselves to actually make it happen!
We’re gonna keep this connection going and rock out every week!
The calls will be at 5pm ET *every* Tuesday for 60 minutes (unless otherwise noted). If you can’t make the live call, no sweat – we’ll get you a copy of the recording the next day!
You’ll gain access to a private FB community that’ll help us build the types of relationships that change lives (in the good sense).
You can secure your spot and sign up now! :o)
Takeaway #1: Give yourself permission to be human
So often, we beat ourselves up for having a bad day. We assume that everyone else has got their stuff together and therefore we should too, and that if things start to go downhill, we should suck it up and smile through the pain. The truth is, negative and unpleasant emotions are totally natural, and they have a very important place in a happy life. The only people who *don’t* experience unhappiness, according to WTF interviewee Tal Ben Shahar, are psychopaths and the dead!
We might assume that happiness is about avoiding all the bad stuff, but negative emotions actually provide us with opportunities for growth. If we didn’t experience them, we wouldn’t know what needed to change.
Remember, a breakdown leads to a breakthrough. It’s OK not to be OK. When you’re feeling down, angry, envious, or whatever, reframe the situation. What can you learn here? What is this situation trying to tell you? What do you need to change in your life to feel better?
Another thing you can do is get some perspective and learn to embrace the suck. :o) Be thankful for what’s going right. Gratitude is the antidote to negativity.
Related blog post
Takeaway #2: You can cultivate confidence
“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” – Nelson Mandela
Confidence isn’t an innate quality that some people have and others don’t. It comes from learned competence. It comes from being vulnerable, acknowledging that you’re scared, and courageously deciding to face your fears anyway. It comes from ditching the ‘be good’ mindset, adopting the ‘get better’ mindset, and committing to giving yourself time to work through problems and fears.
A mantra you can say to yourself to help deal with a lack of confidence is, “I can handle it.”
Security isn’t about *having* things. It’s about *handling* things.
Our ability to handle things increases exponentially when we have consistency on our fundamentals (we talked about this in day 3). If you can rock your top fundamentals every day (whether it’s meditation, exercise, connection, or something else), your highs will be higher and so will your lows, making you more able to adapt and deal with whatever comes your way.
Related blog posts
- How Do You Become More Confident?
- 3 Strategies For Problems That Make You Wanna Punch Walls
- Consistency: Where It Most Matters
- All These People Are So Much Better Than Me: The Antidote
Takeaway #3: Get comfortable being uncomfortable
When we live within the confines of our comfort zones, our lives are limited. But so many of us choose comfort over fulfillment every day. We anesthetize ourselves with food, alcohol, TV, etc. But the only way we’re gonna live extraordinary lives is by getting out of our comfort zones and getting familiar with discomfort. Detach yourself from any perceived outcome, and dive right in. And while you’re diving, remember to breathe. Fear is excitement without the breath.
It helps to separate healthy fears from unhealthy fears. If we spotted someone in a dark alley reaching into their jacket, our minds would jump to conclusions and we’d start to sweat. That’s a pretty healthy fear! And healthy fear is a good thing; it alerts us to the fact that something’s up. An unhealthy fear, on the other hand, is the fear of something that would actually help us to grow. Another way to describe an unhealthy fear is as ‘nervousness.’ Nervousness and excitement are ultimately the same thing. When we’re excited, it means something’s important to us and we’re confident it’ll go well. When we’re nervous, it also means something matters to us but we’re worried that it *won’t* go well.
Think of something you’re afraid of, and then imagine yourself on your deathbed. If you didn’t go after that dream and face your fear, would you regret it? If so, it’s probably time to start getting uncomfortable. :o)
Related blog posts
- 3 Ways To Handle Fear: Living On Purpose Video
- How Do I Deal With Nervous Moments?
- How To Take Action and Avoid Living An Unfulfilled Life
Peep This Too
In Victor Frankl’s awesome book, Man’s Search For Meaning, he argues that we can’t avoid pain, but we can choose how to deal with it, find meaning in it, and move forward with a renewed purpose. The idea is that our primary goal in life is not to seek pleasure or comfort, but to find meaning and rock our purpose.
“What man actually needs is not a tensionless state but rather the striving and struggling for some goal worthy of him. What he needs is not the discharge of tension at any cost, but the call of a potential meaning waiting to be fulfilled by him.” – Victor Frankl
While you’re diving deep into the quest for meaning, check out Finding Joe. The movie dissects what Joseph Campbell defined as the hero’s journey, or the pursuit of an extraordinary life, and it reminds us that the journey isn’t supposed to be easy. As Robin Sharma says in the film, the one thing that keeps people small is their fears. The hero’s journey is about battling those fears and going beyond the limits of our comfort zones.
HW + Action Steps!
Get clear on your fears. As Yoda said, “Named your fear must be before banish it you can.” What are you afraid of, and what steps can you take to push past that fear today?
What was your biggest takeaway from day 4? Let us know and join the discussion in the comments.
Check out the amazing insights being shared on Twitter! Use the hashtag #EnoughBS to get involved.
You can still get involved
The live action might be over, but you can still grab the course and work through it at your own pace. Just click here for the info.
You can also join our private Inner Circle where we’re gonna continue these conversations weekly. Check it out!
13 Comments
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Enjoyed being on the call yesterday and from Central Park, no less.:) Thank you!
A few takeaways/thoughts :
-If you experience fear, count yourself lucky. It means you are human!
-What you resist persists: rather than view fear as something horrible to be gotten rid of, acknowledge its presence as a sensation in your body, weigh your options, and take the action that empowers you (What do I really want? Am I going to regret not doing this?).
– For most of us, avoidance of pain takes precedence over pleasure. We terrified of the consequences if things don’t work aka fear of imagination: I would love to take a year off and travel vs. I’ll end up broke and homeless. Brene Brown says that when this happens, instead of retreating, express gratitude for the opportunity, and dare greatly.
:o)
Okay. I need to listen to the recording but my biggest take away so far is that I'm super PUMPED that I get to have this time with ALL of you every week!!! How freaking awesome??!!! I'm going to miss tonights call so ask tons of questions everyone. Healthy Friday!!
Love it… Amazing to be part of this community and be surrounded by like minded and empowering awesome peeps x
My #1 takeaway hmmm… Loved the Fear and Anxiety excercises (very empowering)
Looking forward to today's call (or should I say my bedtime call hahaha as I'm generally on my bed in my PJs as it starts at 11pm here)… Jacob's my best ever bedtime stories hahahaha
LOLOL! :o)
Stoked too! Excited to support ya!
One question… How can I get my little paws on 'Finding Joe' as it's only in the US iTunes Store? x
Agh! I do not know – have you peeped their website?
http://findingjoethemovie.com/
I've handled everything up to this point… the odds are pretty well in my favor that I will be able to handle whatever comes next. lol, so obvious right? Love it. Thinking in those terms how could I NOT be fully confident in myself and my abilities. Takes the power away from a lot of those unhealthy fears too.
Love it. :o)
Jacob….was on calls 1 & 2 full on & have been following the notes and links, though I'm having a bit of a challenging time keeping up : ) I also wasn't able to be on all of call 3, & totally missed call 4 : (
that said, I just wanted to say I really appreciate & admire you, and wanted to thank you for having the courage to be you, be real.
I'm one of the older ones jumping on board & following you, now, and I'm really finding myself appreciating the content & community for my own benefit, as well as finding it inspiring from a more holistic perspective.
To foster conscious, constructive community like this for teens & twenty-somethings, particularly, is an awesome thing and very promising. I hope it's cool if I'm a little outside your [primary] demographic — I'm an old soul, young at heart : )
Personally, I feel the wave of the present & future is for us to constructively exchange & learn from one another across fields of experience….age, gender, culture, etc. The greater context doesn't necessarily foster that, optimally, presently, hwvr, those of us who feel that's the way can do what we can to continue paving things in that direction. You're doing that in a big, cool way.
I'm not able to be on all of tonight's call, either, but I'll be on for a bit and I signed up for the weekly……once a week I can swing : ) Signing up for this week's gig was a last minute thing for me and it's just been challenging to work it in as much as I'd like. I've really appreciated all the live exchange, questions, contributions, etc., as much as the content you're sharing. All good stuff & inspiring!
I'm glad to be connected and hope to chime in more as I catch up.
oh….btw…..started reading "Living On Purpose" and reeally digging it!! Love the way you see, condense, and communicate! Great job and, again, thanks!
cya on the call in a few *(◠‿-)*
Hehe! That is too great, dude.
Thank you for the warm words and adding your uniquely positivity energy to the community!
Appreciate that you're so committed to rockin this! And stoked to make it a regular thang!
[…] If you’ve missed any of the call recaps this week, click to check out day 1, day 2, day 3 and day 4. […]